It seems like every so-called expert has a different take on America’s economic future. Who should we believe? How about the Chief US Comptroller, for starters. This guy does the math on the governments budget, and he says that we borrow more than we take in.
Ah the suburbs! That wonderful, clean, and perfect place where we all aspire to live! Well kids, there’s trouble in paradise. You see, there is this thing called sustainability…and it’s going to pose a real challenge to modern American living real soon.
Suburban living came into great popularity just after WWII when we made 85Ga-Trillion-Zillion dollars kicking Nazi Germany’s ass and building the worlds most badass war machine this planet has ever seen. What a great time to live…we kicked serious fucking ass AND everybody loved us! You see, back then gas was 25 cents a gallon, a buck went alot further, and a family of 4 could live from the income of dear old dad…mom could stay home raise the snot-gobblers.
Shit has really changed since then, and suburbia is about to feel the oil shortage in a big way. I’m not writing this to point the finger at our retarded politicians, or the wasteful nature of my fellow Americans, but rather to say that sustainability isn’t just some obscure hippy shit, its very fucking real.
The oil industry laughed at Dr. Hubbert when he predicted that America would reach peak oil production by 1970-71. Sadly, he was right: http://www.hubbertpeak.com/hubbert/
Dr. Hubbert only looks crazy…This fucker knew his shit!
Anyway…doom and gloom is so popular and grabs peoples attention like nothing else…but this shit is going down…as sure as Dr. Hubbert could give fuck all about a comb.
Just watch this video (50 minutes):
OKAY, I think we know why this movie was made…but sometimes you still have to ask…WHY?
Only the worlds best and brightest work at call centers
When you work in a large office building with over 500 people, you will invariably be exposed to all sorts of people. In tech support especially, you get to see some of the most bizarre people to ever have been granted employment. Am I making this sound like a privilege? Hell yes I am! These wackos make my job more fun! Hooray for insane people!
I wish I was able to capture some video, but that would be illegal. We’ve got some stupid privacy laws at work that say we can’t use recording devices on the property. I heard it was something to do with proprietary information…whatever the hell that is! Haa! I can see right through those corporate lies! I know its just for the protection of the poor, defenseless, nut-jobs I have to work with.
Let me start with Tank Guy -
Tank Guy earned his name because he is commonly spotted as his desk looking at websites on military tanks. This guy wears the same fucking pair of pants to work every day! I know because I secretly marked them with a sharpie 3 months ago! Same pants…day in and day out…same-fucking- pants! Tank Guy also fancies the famous online Republican rag; The Drudge Report. Tank Guy does this really odd thing with his fingers when he is angry with a customer. He shakes his hands violently at his computer screen like he is casting a magic spell…a really angry magic spell too!My co-workers and I will stare in wonder and amazement as Tank Guy performs his magical hand seizures. Tank Guy is in desperate need of a bra for his back fat. His back boobs sometimes rest on the surface of his desk if he sits close enough to it. Tank Guy is not very friendly and insists that he is never wrong. Tank Guy is harmless though, he appears to be too shaky with his hands to handle an assault rifle with any accuracy.
Mr. Hoover -
Mr. Hoover is a trainer, he is responsible for keeping us up to date on the latest in technology, company policy, and so forth. He loves to lay down the same stupid ass rules for his gay training sessions at the beginning of EVERY class. His rules are stupid, his hair is stupid, and I hope he falls down a flight of stairs. They call him Mr. Hoover because he speaks like a washed up salesman that possesses much more confidence than intellect. “But wait, there’s more” is a common catch phrase of his. His classes would be sort of tolerable if it weren’t due to the fact that Mr. Hoover is just an asshole. Mr. Hoover is very good at insulting people in a back handed way, only to spend 3 minutes explaining why he didn’t really mean what he said in front of the whole class. Mr. Hoover and Mr. Tank typically argue with each other during the entire class period. They should fuck and get it over with.
The Stretcher -
This guy is nice enough, but damn if he isn’t a weird motherfucker! The Stretcher has one quick move, and if you blink then you will probably miss it.
The Stretcher pops up from his cubicle like a curious meerkat, and in one fluid motion, looks to the left, then to the right, and proceeds to arch his back painfully inward with his stomach out for perhaps a millisecond…then he quickly gets sucked back into his chair until another 15 minutes passes. You can set your watch by this guy.
Captain Scratchy -
Sadly, Captain Scratchy is no longer here. He was recently sacked for having liquor on his breath. He sat way off by himself with a red and black checkered blanket draped over his lap, wearing three jackets, and constantly scratching his legs. The Captain was rumored to be homeless, and a bit deranged. He was also known to be a good technician. Captain Scratchy will be missed, as good technicians are hard to find.
Baby Eater - Nobody likes Baby Eater. Even Baby Eater doesn’t like Baby Eater. This guy weighs more than a small car, yet manages to walk on his own power, if you want to call it “walking”. You can hear him breathing from the next room. Baby Eater is a company man with a position of authority. Just about everyone in the building heads for cover when Baby Eater comes around. He would much rather inhale you than look at you. Baby Eater was reported to tell an employee “too bad” after refusing time off to witness the birth of a grand child. Baby Eater called ME “irresponsible” when I didn’t sit at my normal desk one day. Luckily, Baby Eater has been removed from our department and hasn’t been seen in several weeks.
Alan Greenspan, former Fed Chairman is better lol cat material than the new guy, which is some asshole named Ben S. Bernanke
<—–Asshole (no lol cat)
With the value of the dollar reaching all-time lows, it is fairly evident that an economic collapse in America is well on the way. Trade deficits and credit card debt in the US continues to climb with no end in sight. Well…there is an end, actually. Its called a depression. My only question is…will it be even worse than the great market crash of 1929? I was always fascinated with that period in history, and now it seems I may get a chance to live through it…yay! I mean, noooooooo!!!! Actually, I do mean yay, because I think it will make America a BETTER country…eventually.
Sure, in the beginning it is REALLY going to suck. Especially IF this depression comes BEFORE we hit peak oil. There couldn’t be a more brutal economic disaster than first becoming bankrupt from runaway debt, only to get clobbered again by having to pay $5 a gallon at the pump. Stock up on Top Ramen NOW motherfuckers! I happen to think peak oil will tip us over the edge, but either way, most of us are going to be a bunch of broke asses. Except for the most wealthy of course, those assholes will be fine (See Ben S. Bernanke).
After we get over the initial shock and things stabilize a bit, we will be better off. Why do I propose such madness? Do I hate freedom? Do I hate America? Do I hate the iPhone? Am I just rambling on with no point? No, No, Yes, and No! I think it all comes down to one thing. Conditioning. At an early age we are taught by our government that we are the richest, most powerful nation in the world. After we are old enough to apply for a credit card, we are told that we should pursue the American dream…but why should we have to work hard and save for it? We DESERVE it NOW! That’s what credit cards are for…duh! Many people buy into this sense of entitlement and clever marketing from companies trying to sell us all shit that we don’t need. Yes, Fight Club is one of my favorite movies…but I think it goes even deeper than that.
You see, without all of these material things and financial problems filling our lives, we would simply have more time for each other. More time to focus on what is really important, and ignore those things which make some of us feel superficially important for only a short period. We would probably spend more time fixing stuff too! There is no substitute for the pride one feels for making or fixing something with your own hands, and not having to piss away more money buying a new one. Shit, we might even start making stuff in this country again! America used to have a reputation of making some of the finest products in the world. What the hell happened? Why should we be dependent on the Chinese economy for our survival? Sooner or later they will pull the rug out from under us…the sooner the better I say.
After viewing just about every youtube video, and reading every digg article about the guy, I’ve realized one important thing. All one really has to do in order to fully understand his platform is read the following:
I was bumping around the inter-web and came across this pic today…then I thought “WTF, thats funny”. I will send something cool to the first person who properly identifies this man.
No cheating ok?
Dateline July 18th, 2007
Congress thwarts an attempt by the Bush administration to cut funding to the Public Broadcasting system.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/18/congress.broadcasting.ap/index.html
Could it have anything to do with this?
(The NSA’s Eavesdropping at AT&T)
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/homefront/view/
Ya Think? Naaaaah! Not OUR Government!
A reporter asks one of the stupidest questions I have ever heard. That guy was either planted by the government or the National Association of Shit-Head-Question-Askers.
The popular and informative Pinkyshow.org was maliciously attacked just after a new video was posted on the American health care system. The video was featured on the frontpage of youtube on July 19th, the next day pinkyshow.org was hacked. All recent visitors to the site are encouraged to update their anti-virus software and do a full scan. What kind of assholes would want to mess with pinkyshow.org? It’s so Keeee-yute! Don’t let the cute-ness fool you however, pinkyshow.org addresses serious issues. Fuck Katie Couric, Pinky rules! Heres the video posted right before they were attacked:
Its a bit repetitive and annoying, but isnt that the point? Just repeat the same shit over and over, and eventually people will believe it, or become so tired that they just give in. The first lady scares me the most with her crazy ass Stepford Wife face. Is there anyone left on this planet that believes these people are Christians?
